So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.