it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?