And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I need a hoe opinion