He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
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He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.