dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver