Define "chronic" masturbator.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least