So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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