Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
