Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We just shotgunned beers for America
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
