She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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