At least make sure they are 18
Why
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
