I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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