Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
