A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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