Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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