things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
