yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
