CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How external is "for external use only"?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
