Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
