The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
