i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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