My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
