I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
