my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
