Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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