I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
