sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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