There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
