so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I look better un-naked...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
