oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
