I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
