dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
