you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
