You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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