just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
