yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
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I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
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So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize