My room smells like vodka and shame
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
