I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
