Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
