As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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