wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am naked and annoyed.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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