Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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