I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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