You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
