ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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