Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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