just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
