Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
