a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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