By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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