you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
