is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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