I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
