He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
