He felt like a one man threesome
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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