this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
