who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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