all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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