I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
