My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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