ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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