found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
