My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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