They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
