these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The adults are the big ones right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
