So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Randomize
