and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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