I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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