We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
