I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
