so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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