A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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