U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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