i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
