I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
