guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
