all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
