Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
