OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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