just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize