dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
