So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
