The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
