If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
