you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
