I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize