Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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