He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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